


A Blank Ticket

by Marley_Millions



Category: Trigun (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Afterlife, Blank Ticket, Brotherly Love, Canon - Manga, Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Introspection, Post-Canon, References to Depression, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28858089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marley_Millions/pseuds/Marley_Millions
Summary: After leaving the the apple tree for Vash and the humans, Knives finds himself sitting on a train without a ticket.
Relationships: Millions Knives & Rem Saverem
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	A Blank Ticket

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wyluliwerewolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyluliwerewolf/gifts).



Knives had never seen an old-fashioned train before. The grinding of the gears, the screeches of the wheels over the rails, and the swaying of the railroad cart were somewhat soothing in a bemusing way. It reminded Knives of living with his sisters on the ark as they progressed across the planet. He was alone then, really, since he had to detach himself from the angels to avoid being lost in the collective consciousness. 

In the end, he understood that he’d always been alone. It was his doing, he knew. 

Ever since being placed on the train, Knives was always reminded of what he had lost. Vash had rescued him when he could’ve easily evaded the attack to save himself, leaving Knives to die by that other independent. To prevent Vash from using the rest of his energy, Knives had escaped with his brother to avoid the chaos after the ark fell. 

Knives sought to fly forever, but he gradually felt his own power being depleted. 

There was no escape. 

His memories tormented him along with the cries from his sisters. He wasn’t melded with them anymore by that point, but the angels still communicated with him, voicing their hatred, their confusion, their understanding, and their relief. They wanted to coexist with humans... 

Knives knew there were humans that demonstrated their gratitude for the angels and they could change, but they were an exception—the minority, he believed, and there was no time to wait if such a change would ever occur. 

After melding with the angels, Knives had believed his sudden visions were dreams; these ranged from images of rotting angels to humans attending to their bulbs. The angels’ message was heard when the ark fell, and Knives would never know if their lives would improve. 

He was dead. He speculated as much, but if mythologies, books, and scriptures taught him one thing, it was that he should’ve been damned to Hell. He’d done more than enough to be sent there, but where he existed now was anything but unpleasant. He sat across from a vacant seat on the swaying train, and to his left through a window was a vast green field with various trees, but the rain and winds disturbed what would’ve been a tranquil glimpse at paradise. 

The apple tree... What did Rem say to Vash so long ago?

_Don’t ever let go! Don’t say you’ll die!_

Yes, Knives had eventually awakened after losing consciousness when he and Vash had found Tessla’s remains. 

When Knives couldn't fly any further, he had to land in the middle of nowhere and plead for a father and his boy to save his brother. Knives experienced flashes of memories from the angels of them sharing their experience with the humans and of Vash. They believed that his _little_ brother was crucial for their species. 

Perhaps if the angels truly believed Vash was some missing link, then Knives had no choice other than to accept the possibility. What was done was done. His reign of terror over the humans was finished. There was nothing left to do. 

There was nowhere else to go. 

Knives’ pride was one of his downfalls. It was true, a part of himself wouldn’t ever repent the path he had chosen because he believed his choices were logical and necessary for the safety of his family. Then again, it had taken years for him to accept that he’d caused the Big Fall, killing countless angels because he was an impetuous child. He wondered, if Tessla had had his power, would she have slaughtered the humans? Spared them? It was pointless to contemplate now, but such thoughts kept him busy; thinking about the past was one of the activities he’d always done, so he doubted he’d ever stop. 

Vash had saved him, but by ending his own life, had Knives proved that he remained impetuous? When he was convinced that Vash was recovering from the mortal wound Knives inflicted, he acted on the assumption that Vash would’ve been happier if his brother wasn’t around anymore. With the last of his energy, Knives gathered what remained of his power to create something rather than destroy. Vash would’ve probably prevented him from committing suicide, so Knives told the boy to keep his actions a secret. 

Knives had taken the opportunity to reconcile with Vash, but leaving was for the best. 

Now, here he was, on a train with his mind, body, and life—some life. He had thought of exploring the train, but whenever he felt the urge to, it left him instantly. Humans boarded the train, departed, offered their tickets to the conductors, but they never spoke amongst each other despite being a social species. Whenever a conductor asked for Knives’ ticket, he either glanced at the human or acted as if they didn’t exist. Knives didn’t have one to offer, and even if he did, he wouldn’t have given it nevertheless. There was really nowhere for him to go. 

Nowhere. 

Knives stuck an elbow out from his tattered cloak to lean against the window, holding his head while watching the seemingly endless field pass by. He eventually looked at his reflection and then closed his eyes to avoid staring at his black hair. 

“Ticket please.”

Knives furrowed his brows. The voice was strangely familiar this time... He gazed past his face on the window and was startled by the conductor’s reflection before whirling his head around toward the woman.

“I don’t have one,” he blurted out, confused as to why he bothered to answer this woman. She betrayed him and Vash, but she sought to atone for failing Tessla by protecting them. Because of who she tried to become, he wanted to save her, really, and he still loved her, he’d admit. She was imperfect, but he supposed he was too. 

“Huh, weird. Everyone should have one.” The conductor smiled, and unlike when Knives was a child, Rem’s smile was now genuine. “Would you like one?”

Knives didn’t know how to respond or if he should’ve. He watched, bewildered as Rem slipped a hand into her pocket, punched the ticket, and presented it to him. He continued staring at her hand before hesitantly accepting it. He then examined the paper and found it to be blank. 

“Now you’re not so different from the others, huh?” Rem bowed her head before turning to ask the other passengers for their tickets. 

Knives flipped the ticket over, examining the front before turning it around again. It wasn’t like he had any destination in mind anyway. 

_Because there’s no difference between human hearts and ours. Right, Vash?_

Knives frowned at the ticket. 

He supposed if he could choose, he’d want to be where Vash would go when he’d passed— _if_ he ever would, whether due to the hair darkening effect or his own foolishness. 

When Knives looked over his shoulder to locate Rem when he couldn’t hear her voice anymore, he jumped from his seat. She disappeared, leaving him alone with his thoughts. 

He eventually settled back in his seat as the urgency to search for Rem faded. When he looked down at his ticket once again, his eyes suddenly felt heavier. Would he ever leave this train? He supposed that was his choice to make. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my attempt at writing manga Knives. I’ve been practicing because I’ve recently began reading the manga again... He’s still my favorite character. 
> 
> Don’t forget to kudos! Comment if ya want! <3


End file.
